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Dwarf Economics and Allied Services. Critical News, 16th February 2014

Posted by Business in Ghana on February 16, 2014

Sydney Casely-Hayford, sydney@bizghana.com

Whoever said we are a very religious country forgot to tack on that we are also a very superstitious country. Somebody’s cow floated its way into Nii Kukurudu’s Chorkor fishermen’s net, deceiving my Accra peeps that they were onto a bumper harvest.  When the net came up with a bull, the news spread faster than the renouncement of an imminent cabinet shuffle, which is on its way because JJ Rawlings has asked for one.

Digressing for a minute, JJ publicly suggested to the President that he might do well to appoint some new ministers, maybe replace the school boys and girls the NDC Government currently employ; those making high level ministerial decisions when they are yet to be certified by a university that they are capable of higher education.  It is well known that some key ministers are still being tutored for higher degrees, so technically we have some ministries in this country being run by recent graduates.

On this basis, for commonsense direction it sounds right to suggest a change of sorts, especially when the economy is under such scrutiny.  But when it kind of leaked that there might be a shuffle, the Government rushed to the media, shouting “gossipers” and gave up their common sense fix; because things are not going very well, the people can see it, they read about the corruption and smell the garbage on the streets at Kaneshie.  But this one was too “Rawlings” for them to take on board and too “Daily Guide” led to make a common sense decision, so they made a political one.  Deny!

Ok, that was not why the black bull found its way from Winneba to Accra.  After I consulted with my resident custodian of archives and anthropological digs, history apparently has it that Dode Akaebi a Manye from the area or some part of it that was then one territory, was such a troublesome person, her followers buried her alive to get rid of her.  Superstitiously, it is said she is still looking for her revenge.  Fortunately the “Winnebabarians” sent a delegation to Accra to confirm their ritual.

It is not a major challenge for a bull that size to survive the distance.  It can swim the trip easily and the Guinea Current on our coast flows east at approximately 3°N along the western coast of Africa. When it reaches the Gulf of Guinea (where we come into the picture), it can obtain velocities close to 100 cm s-1 near 5°W.  It has at least two sources, the North Equatorial Countercurrent and the Canary Current. The seasonal instability of these two currents can affect the seasonal variability of the Guinea Current.  There is a theory that it can reverse sometimes and go westerly when the speed of the Guinea Current is higher offshore than onshore.  This surfacing of an Ivorian Undercurrent and the seaward displacement of the Guinea Current could have dumped the bull on the shores of Cote D’Ivoire, who are more superstitious than we and hey, could have angered them to revive the oil boundary claims again.  All from a bull sacrifice.

We can start a GYEEDA module on “Youth in Ritual Swimming Bulls”, but Abuga Pele and Assibit are still fighting to stay out of jail and are not available to manage such a project, so over to you my Kobby Acheampong.  I was looking forward to a daily diet from the case, except they postponed it to 7th March sometime.

But the Windy Bay leaders are butting heads and can’t seem to find a way out of chieftaincy disputes.  Nii Kukurudu and his team are ready for a carve-out and might make a meal of the bull foot, Bukom Banku leading the charge.

Yet they are no different from our own superstitious government.  Anita De-Sosoo now Deputy NADMO coordinator and who has acquired a reputation as dwarf-slayer, pointed out how the economy has been taken over by these small people.  You wonder whether she saw these “Kwaku Bonsam 7 dwarfs” when she tried to run them over in October 2010.

Unofficially appointed National witchcraft leader Kwaku Bonsam, deserves mention because he immediately cautioned Anita to be circumspect with accusations against the dwarf community and she shut up immediately because she is a believer.  Remember her fight in court about potions (that did not affect the outcome) on her seat during the election petition?

But coming on the back of Action Faith Ministries’ Bishop Duncan Williams’ interjection of the devil in our economic analysis, many others have found it necessary to explain how “Dwarf Economics” works.

It happens when high-rise buildings are built near former President’s homes, when the cedi depreciates, when the water level in the Akosombo dam is low, when gas pipes are broken, when we overlook clauses in contracts and most times when funds from donors do not materialize on time.  Some Presidents “never die” and some “ascend to heaven” when they do, defying anything written in the very scriptures we use for worship.  It also happens from election petitions and a re-denomination of currency.

Since the Duncan Williams chant, the cedi has continued the slide.  Now TB Joshua is encouraging prayers to stall the economic downturn.  Reverend Owusu Bempah has his twist, praying to forestall an impending Coup de tat he has seen lurking around the corner, but says he can avert if we pray fervently, maybe donate some tithes, maybe a Winneba-bull, a coop-full of Akonfem (God’s favorite bird – it is very lean meat) will assist and he will appeal to turn back what cannot be seen and verified.

Those who have eyes to see, let them still see JDM’s poster on the intersection of the Arts Center and High Street, arm lifted, finger pointing on high to his God, who would see him to victory.  And next to him, “The Battle is the Lord’s”.

Yet the Government says there is no economic collapse, the Cedi fall is because of US-investor pull out of emerging markets as their economy picks up.  So why are all these pastors praying?  Could it be that it is the USA, which is the big witch in our midst? Maybe we have turned into a USA-led evil dwarf country, losing our soul in the process?  Remember how their fire team found its way to Ghana just as the political arsonists started their vendetta?  And they managed to cover up their mess? We never saw a public report did we?  It could have incriminated them.

Finance Minister Seth Terkper disclaims we have a weaker economy.  His analysis shows a shift in the structure of our economic activity.  We have become more service oriented and expanded into gas, oil etc., with better infrastructure and as a result more transparent governance and democratic dividend.

I don’t know how to value the shift, but I can say for sure there is confusion all through Ghana at the moment as we try to understand what the Central Bank wants from their botched up communication of the new rules on dollarization.

We need a happiness index for this country.  Inflation is up to 13.8%, Bank of Ghana policy rate is up by 200 basis points to 18%, the fiscal deficit is growing, statutory funds are short by nearly 4 months, interest rates are still too high, manufacturing is gone with the Harmattan, we are taxed too much too suddenly, the District and Getfund are behind by nearly two quarters and youth unemployment cannot be quantified how much more fixed.

If these are the signs of a strong and recovering economy with firm growth structures in place, I say to Ghanaians, follow very closely, because when 2016 comes around and we see a sudden surge in infrastructure spend and plenty giveaways, it will not be witchcraft, but a carefully coordinated NDC modus to leave most recent memories they can go to the electorate as evidence of progress.

Buy it if you will, Anita De-Sosoo might become Minister for Witchcraft and Allied Services.  She can share an office with Dr Mustapha Ahmed or Alan Bagbin, or ET Mensah.  Even better, she can hook up with Ambassador-to-be Tony Aidoo.  Now that will be a witchcraft blow.  TWEEAAA!

Ghana, Aha a ye de papa.  Alius valde week advenio. Another great week to come!

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2 Responses to “Dwarf Economics and Allied Services. Critical News, 16th February 2014”

  1. Yaw Poku said

    Sydney, Just want to say that I always enjoy reading your informative and enlightening weekly articles. Please keep up the good work!

  2. branii22 said

    Reblogged this on branii22's Blog and commented:
    Brilliant

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